​Have you ever thought that it’s not actually what happens to you that causes you to suffer, but what you think about it that does? 
 
As the saying goes: “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” Your suffering is just the by-product of a series of thoughts and beliefs. If you took those away, you’d soon find out that there is no reason for you to suffer. 
 
Your beliefs determine how you choose to show up in life. They ultimately can make a huge difference in the quality of your experience. In other words, the quality of your experience is not so much determined by the experience itself, but by your mindset (how you choose to perceive it). 
 
If you want to thrive in life, you’ve got to have the mindset that matches your will. And, if you are unsure of what needs your attention, take a look at your results. Results speak volumes when it comes to mindset.
 
In this article you will find out what beliefs are and how to question your thoughts, and take responsibility for them in order to cultivate the mindset that will help you thrive. 
 
WHAT ARE BELIEFS?
Our beliefs are just a set of goggles through which we happen to perceive the world. They are the result of a series of hardwired thoughts and feelings that we mostly adopted during childhood. As Dr. Joe Dispenza puts it: “beliefs are thoughts and feelings (attitudes) that you keep thinking and feeling over and over again until you hardwire them in your brain and emotionally condition them in your body.”
 
They are largely unconscious and based on past experiences. One could also see them as the map that helps us to navigate our world. Everybody’s map is different and is often a distorted depiction of reality. To quote Dr. Joe Dispenza again: “Scientific experiments have shown that you don’t see the reality as it truly is. Instead you unconsciously fill in your reality based on your memories of the past, which is what is neurochemically maintained in your brain.”
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In other words, how you perceive the present is based on beliefs your created in the past. And, the surest way to uncover your beliefs is to question your thoughts. 

IS IT TRUE? THE POWER OF SELF-INQUIRY 
If you want to get to know yourself better, then take a good look at your judgements. The way you speak about others says more about you than about them. That’s because your judgments are just your perception of what is going on.
 
The judgment itself is not a problem. We judge in order to practice discernment. The problem arises when we identify so much with our judgments that we are unable to accept other truths. When we believe we are right and that others should think like us because they are wrong, we are on the brink of "war". In fact, that’s all wars are about: people attaching to their respective set of goggles, refusing to take them off to see another truth. 
 
That’s why self-inquiry is the most powerful tool that exists, it can literally stop wars. And, as I explain in more detail in my post on the Jungian mirror effect, to your unconscious mind the other person does not exist. He or she is just a projection of you. So if you want to change your world, the only thing you need to change is yourself because as Wayne Dyer said so beautifully: if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. 
 
So how do I do that? I hear you say. 
 
First of all, accept that whoever or whatever is triggering you is your greatest teacher. Nothing is ever a coincidence. The people who surround you and the events that unfold FOR you are pinpointing you towards your own set of goggles. You can either choose to remain a victim of your circumstances, or take responsibility for your side of the coin and reclaim your power to change what you do not like. That means being prepared to take those goggles off at some point. 
 
Pay attention to your own judgments. Behind every single judgment there is an underlying belief. Think about that triggering person or situation. Grab a piece of paper and write everything down without censoring yourself. Go all in and judge hard. 
 
Then look over each statement and question it. Byron Katie’s powerful, yet simple questions are great for doing this work alone. 
 
Below is a list of the main questions you can ask yourself:

1. Is this true? (yes or no. If, no move to question 3)
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true? (yes or no)
3. How do I react and how do I feel when I believe that thought? (what emotions arise, what images of past and future can you see? How do you treat yourself and others when you believe the thought)
4. Who would I be without the thought?
5. How can I see this differently? Look into that mirror and reverse it: turn the thought around and make an opposite statement. 

 
Now, let’s take a hypothetical example: 

Judgement: My partner shouldn’t be cheating on me. 

1. Is that true? well the reality is that he/she is and there is no point in arguing with reality, because it’s not going to make it go away. So no. it isn’t true. 
2. When I believe that thought I feel hopeless and sad. I become very distant and angry. I want to make him/her feel the pain I am feeling. And, I hate myself too. 
3. I would be free.
4. Possible thought turnarounds (it’s about picking the ones that ring true to you): 

• My partner should be cheating on me.
• I shouldn’t be cheating on my partner (what is my responsibility in this? There are many ways of "cheating" and It takes two to tango)
• I shouldn’t be cheating on myself (through my partner) - remember your partner is just a mirror image of you. How am I not listening to myself and not being faithful to my own needs? 

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY: RECLAIMING YOUR POWER TO MOVE FORWARD
Now nobody is saying that self-inquiry means putting up with incoherent situations and becoming a doormat. Quite the contrary, it gives us the self-awareness to do something about our situation, rather than remaining helpless in the face of it. 
 
So many of us have been brought up with a victim mindset, whereby we tend to believe that the cause of all our suffering as well as of our fulfilment lies without. “I’m miserable because of my marriage, job, parents”, “I’ll be happy when I lose the weight, have a partner, new job etc.”, “I was just unlucky”, “she was just there at the right place at the right time.” Do some of these sound familiar? They certainly felt familiar to me and they got me absolutely nowhere! 
 
I believe that way of thinking belongs to the dark ages of “emotional teenagehood”. The Truth is that we might not be in control of what may or may not happen to us and we will most likely experience pain as we go through life. However, we are in complete control of how we allow it to affect us. That’s just a matter of choice. Being prepared to question our beliefs, by owning our responsibility and taking those goggles off,  gives us the power we need to move forward. It implies stepping into emotional adulthood. 
 
It might not be comfortable at first and it might go against everything you were taught so far, but why not consider this alternative way of looking at things and give yourself the tools to actually move past your story this time round?
 
In her awe inspiring and soul touching book: The Choice, Edith Eger shares the life changing advice her mum gave her on their way to Auschwitz: “we don’t know where we’re going, we don’t know what’s going to happen, but no one can take away what you put in your own mind.” That mindset is the greatest reason why Edith survived the camps and went on to live an incredibly inspiring life. 
 
At age 90 she wrote her first book and acclaimed best seller. In a recent interview with Oprah she says: “I discovered God in the (death) camps.” Now, if you prefer, substitute God for myself, my strength, my purpose etc. and let it sink in. What a powerful example of how the most testing moments in our lives can become our greatest teachers, if we allow them to be, don’t you think? 
 
Bottom line is that THE CHOICE is always ours. Are you ready to self-inquire and uncover your intrinsic power? 

Resources: 
Books:

• You Are the Placebo, Dr. Joe Dispenza
• Loving What Is, Byron Katie 
• The Choice, Edith Eger

Interview:  Oprah interviews Edith Eger (Youtube Link)

3. EMBRACE FAILURE. Get rid of that outdated belief, most of us were taught at school, that failure must be avoided at all costs! Perfectionism will get you nowhere in life. If you are not prepared to fail, you will never truly expand your horizons and improve. Yes, you will fail at some point and no you will not die in the process! Being prepared to make mistakes is the number one habit to cultivate, to learn and succeed at anything. Take, Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb. He failed thousands of times before getting it right. This was his attitude: “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” It’s just a matter of perspective! Adopt that attitude.

As a recovering perfectionist, I’m always having to keep that tendency at bay. If you want to read more on how to overcome it head over to my post on the subject .

4. USE ACTION TO COUNTERACT PROCRASTINATION. I recently heard a great line: “get addicted to action over procrastination.” Your goal is to get things done, focus on that! Limit distractions to a minimum. In the case of a project, once you have set yourself a deadline, your focus should be on completing and that means not getting yourself distracted. I personally put my phone on airplane mode and I love using the Pomodoro technique. You set a timer for 25 minutes and work through. Then you get a 5 minute break to walk around, have some water etc. Repeat for a total of 4 times, by the end of which you are allowed a longer break with a reward. Then repeat. 

5. COMPLETE AND SHIP! Set yourself a deadline and stick to it, no matter what. Try and make it short. No excuses, when the deadline is up, the project is done. It’s also something the American coach Brooke Castillo refers to as the B- technique. Don’t aim for an A, aim for a B- so you can get things done and other people can benefit from your project. The same would apply to so many other areas of your life. Take your appearance. The objective is to get out the door and attend that event, regardless whether your outfit is perfect. What we want is others benefiting from your company!

6. CHOOSE TO FIT IN OR STAND OUT. You can’t do both. You will never please everyone. Besides, People pleasing is just another way of lying. The intention behind what you do is what matters, what others might think of it is out of your control. Moreover, what you perceive people might be thinking about you is just a reflection of you. The more you believe in yourself, the more others will too. And, those who try to put you down won’t offend you as easily. By all means take constructive criticism into account, but do not waste your energy on the haters. Treat them as you would the resistance: a reflection of your own insecurities and a sure sign that you are on the right path!
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 7. UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS YOUR DUTY TO SHOW UP AS YOUR BEST SELF. The world needs you to stand in your truth and embody your full potential. Keeping yourself small does not benefit anyone. I believe this famous quote by Marianne Williamson says it all, Don ́t you? “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.” Someone once told me that false humility is the ego at work, keeping us small. I believe it to be a great piece of wisdom!

8. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Know when to stop, take breaks and allow that creativity to come to and through you. It's not all hustle. We need space to clear our minds and detach from the outcome. Spend time in nature, include pleasant activities in your to do list and make space for play. Trust the process. You do not have complete control. Allow for the bigger picture to unfold.

And there you have it! Although your mind might be wild with fear, know that you can absolutely handle resistance and use it as a stepping-stone to show up as your best self! 
 
Think about it: how would you act & what would you do, if you were no longer afraid of being judged? Picture yourself at the end of your life: how would you like to be remembered? For making a difference or playing safe & staying small? What is stopping you from going ahead and living your life to the full now?

Life is too short for regrets. And you know what they say? People often regret what they didn't do most. 

Resources:

• Linchpin: Are you indispensable?, by Seth Godin
• You Are the Placebo, by Dr. Joe Dispenza

Meditation:
Transform Self Sabotage to Success; Hypnosis to Release Limiting Beliefs and Subconscious Blocks