When assessing your actions, your performance etc. do you tend to be highly-critical of yourself? Or, on the contrary, are you the kind of person who focuses on the good and finds it hard to take an honest look at what you could improve?
Self-evaluation is an important part of growth. Whether it be for professional or personal reasons, assessing what you did well and what you can improve is crucial to learning and growing as a person. And, as with everything, it’s about finding a healthy balance in the way you look at things. However, most people tend to be polarised, i.e. they are excessively self-critical or the complete opposite.
As part of my training as a Bioneuroemotion practitioner and my work with Enric Corbera Institute, I am required to periodically evaluate my sessions. It’s a must and a great exercise to keep improving my services, as well as highlighting areas I can improve in my own life. As the saying goes: the way we do anything, is how we do everything. So, a professional self-evaluation is also a great personal assessment tool. Personally, I tend to be overly self-critical and it is a trait that I have been increasingly aware of and that I am looking to learn from. Wherever there is an imbalance, there is a growth opportunity, right?
Therefore, a few weeks ago I discussed this issue with a good friend of mine, who also struggles with self-criticism in her self-evaluations as a coach, despite being a very successful one. As a result, we ended up watching a training together, which I loved and wanted to share with you to give you some extra mindset tips for self-assessment.
Most of us have come across a boss, superior, teacher etc. who we disliked for the way we felt they treated us. I’d like you to think about that person and write a list that best describes their behaviour and why you think they were a “bad boss”.
Now I’d like you to think about a boss, superior, mentor etc. you feel really helped you grow and thrive. Now, draw another list next to the first one and outline their “good boss” qualities.
Now I would like you to look at both lists and think about what kind of boss you are to yourself. What qualities have you projected in either of those two bosses? Which ones do you want to start taking on and which one do you want to drop or do a little less of?
And next time, you find yourself assessing anything you do, think about what kind of boss you want to be. Then, say to yourself: how can I help myself grow from this situation? If you tend to be unforgiving or harsh towards yourself, soften your gaze. If, on the other hand, you are reluctant to see your mistakes, ask yourself: how am I stunting my growth by refusing to look at what is? How can I be kind to myself, by facing my mistakes and learning from them?
This simple projection exercise is a powerful tool you can incorporate in many aspects of your life. When you understand that the way you perceive others is a projection of your own internal state, you can stop focusing on the effect of your problems and address the cause that lies within you. That’s when true growth happens.
Are you ready to start taking ownership for your growth and act as a true boss?
Ps: if you need a further hand to look at your projections from an objective perspective, BioNeuroEmotion (BNE) is a wonderful method that will help you shift your perspective, so you can foster meaningful changes in your life, by transforming your conflicts into stepping stones for growth. My mission is to help you move beyond your perceived limitations, tap into your intrinsic wisdom and make conscious choices so you can live your life fully. You can find out more about my work and book a session here.
Trauma as it is understood by many, can be an overloaded term often associated with helplessness. In this blog post my goal is to bring its wisdom to the forefront so you can start to take your power back.
It is important to understand that It’s not what happened that matters, but how what happened made you feel inside. In that sense, trauma can be anything that made you feel negatively about yourself, and that you were unable to fully process and cope with. Therefore, a way of healing trauma is to understand what pushed you to respond in a certain way, and why you keep responding similarly to date. The goal is not to relive traumatising events, but rather to re-interpret them, so you can respond differently.
In his wonderful book Waking the Tiger - Healing Trauma, Dr. Peter Levine explains that, as a result of trauma, the body stores trapped energy. Therefore, in order to release that energy the brain seeks to recreate similar situations so we can respond differently to them. It uses metaphors, i.e. current representations of people, places etc. from the past. and then assigns a similar meaning to these metaphorical experiences (your interpretation of what is happening).
For example, as a child your mum might have constantly confided in you about your Dad’s behaviour, or sought your support during fights. In many instances, you might have felt helpless and also learned to keep your problems to yourself not to worry her further. You learned to put your needs second because it got you your mum's attention and love, and kept you safe. It became your coping mechanism. At the time, you didn’t have the tools, possibility or awareness to let her know that this was upsetting you. You didn’t know how to set healthy boundaries for yourself, express your own needs and seek support.
This could have been traumatising to you because, as I said earlier, trauma is not what happens, but how what happens makes you feel. The good news is that trauma is an incredible source of growth, if we are prepared to learn from it.
Therefore, you will be given plenty of opportunities to heal, because the brain will make sure to recreate those same circumstances in your current life, through how you perceive your experiences. For example, your boss could be a current metaphor for your mum. She might be going through a rough divorce and has been sharing her concerns with you. As a result you have reluctantly been accepting more workload, to take the weight off her shoulders and can’t bring yourself to tell her that you really need a week off to go to your best friend’s wedding. Sound familiar?
The wisdom comes from seeing the experience as an opportunity to act differently, by taking responsibility for the role you are playing and allowing the adult in you to take over. By re-interpreting your childhood experience, you might understand that your mum did the best she could with the tools she was given herself as a child. Therefore, from that place of understanding, you will be more in touch with your own needs and can allow yourself to do what nobody had taught her either: value yourself, set healthy boundaries, listen to your own needs first and learn to express them.
That’s why the purpose of a BNE session is not to erase past programs and beliefs, but rather to help you re-interpret them so that the adult in you can take its power back and choose to act differently, in the face of adversity. The goal is for you to see the bigger picture, connect the dots and understand what this is happening to you for.
If you feel stuck and need an extra hand to see the bigger picture, BioNeuroEmotion (BNE) is a wonderful method that will help you shift your perspective, so you can foster meaningful changes in your life by transforming your conflicts into stepping stones.
My mission is to empower men and women to move beyond their perceived limitations, step into their best selves and make a difference in the world. You can find out more about my work or book a one on one online session here.
Hi, I´m Dannie
A fellow soul seeker, blogger & certified BioNeuroEmotion® (BNE) practitioner who is passionate about growing, self actualising & learning in order to lead a more coherent/conscious life and help others do the same.