How To Question Your Beliefs: Using Self-inquiry to Cultivate a Healthy Mindset

Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash

​Have you ever thought that it’s not actually what happens to you that causes you to suffer, but what you think about it that does? 
 
As the saying goes: “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” Your suffering is just the by-product of a series of thoughts and beliefs. If you took those away, you’d soon find out that there is no reason for you to suffer. 
 
Your beliefs determine how you choose to show up in life. They ultimately can make a huge difference in the quality of your experience. In other words, the quality of your experience is not so much determined by the experience itself, but by your mindset (how you choose to perceive it). 
 
If you want to thrive in life, you’ve got to have the mindset that matches your will. And, if you are unsure of what needs your attention, take a look at your results. Results speak volumes when it comes to mindset.
 
In this article you will find out what beliefs are and how to question your thoughts, and take responsibility for them in order to cultivate the mindset that will help you thrive. 
 
WHAT ARE BELIEFS?
Our beliefs are just a set of goggles through which we happen to perceive the world. They are the result of a series of hardwired thoughts and feelings that we mostly adopted during childhood. As Dr. Joe Dispenza puts it: “beliefs are thoughts and feelings (attitudes) that you keep thinking and feeling over and over again until you hardwire them in your brain and emotionally condition them in your body.”
 
They are largely unconscious and based on past experiences. One could also see them as the map that helps us to navigate our world. Everybody’s map is different and is often a distorted depiction of reality. To quote Dr. Joe Dispenza again: “Scientific experiments have shown that you don’t see the reality as it truly is. Instead you unconsciously fill in your reality based on your memories of the past, which is what is neurochemically maintained in your brain.”
​
In other words, how you perceive the present is based on beliefs your created in the past. And, the surest way to uncover your beliefs is to question your thoughts. 

IS IT TRUE? THE POWER OF SELF-INQUIRY 
If you want to get to know yourself better, then take a good look at your judgements. The way you speak about others says more about you than about them. That’s because your judgments are just your perception of what is going on.
 
The judgment itself is not a problem. We judge in order to practice discernment. The problem arises when we identify so much with our judgments that we are unable to accept other truths. When we believe we are right and that others should think like us because they are wrong, we are on the brink of "war". In fact, that’s all wars are about: people attaching to their respective set of goggles, refusing to take them off to see another truth. 
 
That’s why self-inquiry is the most powerful tool that exists, it can literally stop wars. And, as I explain in more detail in my post on the Jungian mirror effect, to your unconscious mind the other person does not exist. He or she is just a projection of you. So if you want to change your world, the only thing you need to change is yourself because as Wayne Dyer said so beautifully: if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. 
 
So how do I do that? I hear you say. 
 
First of all, accept that whoever or whatever is triggering you is your greatest teacher. Nothing is ever a coincidence. The people who surround you and the events that unfold FOR you are pinpointing you towards your own set of goggles. You can either choose to remain a victim of your circumstances, or take responsibility for your side of the coin and reclaim your power to change what you do not like. That means being prepared to take those goggles off at some point. 
 
Pay attention to your own judgments. Behind every single judgment there is an underlying belief. Think about that triggering person or situation. Grab a piece of paper and write everything down without censoring yourself. Go all in and judge hard. 
 
Then look over each statement and question it. Byron Katie’s powerful, yet simple questions are great for doing this work alone. 
 
Below is a list of the main questions you can ask yourself:

1. Is this true? (yes or no. If, no move to question 3)
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true? (yes or no)
3. How do I react and how do I feel when I believe that thought? (what emotions arise, what images of past and future can you see? How do you treat yourself and others when you believe the thought)
4. Who would I be without the thought?
5. How can I see this differently? Look into that mirror and reverse it: turn the thought around and make an opposite statement. 

 
Now, let’s take a hypothetical example: 

Judgement: My partner shouldn’t be cheating on me. 

1. Is that true? well the reality is that he/she is and there is no point in arguing with reality, because it’s not going to make it go away. So no. it isn’t true. 
2. When I believe that thought I feel hopeless and sad. I become very distant and angry. I want to make him/her feel the pain I am feeling. And, I hate myself too. 
3. I would be free.
4. Possible thought turnarounds (it’s about picking the ones that ring true to you): 

• My partner should be cheating on me.
• I shouldn’t be cheating on my partner (what is my responsibility in this? There are many ways of "cheating" and It takes two to tango)
• I shouldn’t be cheating on myself (through my partner) - remember your partner is just a mirror image of you. How am I not listening to myself and not being faithful to my own needs? 

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY: RECLAIMING YOUR POWER TO MOVE FORWARD
Now nobody is saying that self-inquiry means putting up with incoherent situations and becoming a doormat. Quite the contrary, it gives us the self-awareness to do something about our situation, rather than remaining helpless in the face of it. 
 
So many of us have been brought up with a victim mindset, whereby we tend to believe that the cause of all our suffering as well as of our fulfilment lies without. “I’m miserable because of my marriage, job, parents”, “I’ll be happy when I lose the weight, have a partner, new job etc.”, “I was just unlucky”, “she was just there at the right place at the right time.” Do some of these sound familiar? They certainly felt familiar to me and they got me absolutely nowhere! 
 
I believe that way of thinking belongs to the dark ages of “emotional teenagehood”. The Truth is that we might not be in control of what may or may not happen to us and we will most likely experience pain as we go through life. However, we are in complete control of how we allow it to affect us. That’s just a matter of choice. Being prepared to question our beliefs, by owning our responsibility and taking those goggles off,  gives us the power we need to move forward. It implies stepping into emotional adulthood. 
 
It might not be comfortable at first and it might go against everything you were taught so far, but why not consider this alternative way of looking at things and give yourself the tools to actually move past your story this time round?
 
In her awe inspiring and soul touching book: The Choice, Edith Eger shares the life changing advice her mum gave her on their way to Auschwitz: “we don’t know where we’re going, we don’t know what’s going to happen, but no one can take away what you put in your own mind.” That mindset is the greatest reason why Edith survived the camps and went on to live an incredibly inspiring life. 
 
At age 90 she wrote her first book and acclaimed best seller. In a recent interview with Oprah she says: “I discovered God in the (death) camps.” Now, if you prefer, substitute God for myself, my strength, my purpose etc. and let it sink in. What a powerful example of how the most testing moments in our lives can become our greatest teachers, if we allow them to be, don’t you think? 
 
Bottom line is that THE CHOICE is always ours. Are you ready to self-inquire and uncover your intrinsic power? 

​If you need an extra hand to see things crystal clear for yourself, BioNeuroEmotion (BNE) is a wonderful method that will help you shift your perspective, so you can foster meaningful changes in your life.
​My mission is to empower men and women to move beyond their perceived limitations, step into their best selves and make a difference in the world. You can find out more about my work or book a one on one session here. 

Resources: 
Books:

• You Are the Placebo, Dr. Joe Dispenza
• Loving What Is, Byron Katie 
• The Choice, Edith Eger

Interview:  Oprah interviews Edith Eger (Youtube Link)