Five Tips To Boost Your Self-Worth

Picture by Victor Rodriguez on Unsplash

I am of those who believe that learning how to love, respect and appreciate ourselves is an all encompassing cure. Shame, depression, conflict, betrayal, violence, war, you name it, all of these are rooted in some level of unworthiness. 

As Sean Stevenson explains in his brilliant TEdx talk The Prison of Your Mind: “Every human being just wants to be loved. Even if they are tough, even if they are scary, even if they are vicious. You get them in the right position at the right time, they’ll tell you the truth. You know who they want love from most? Not their mums, not their dads, not their wardens… none of those people. They want to be able to look in the mirror and love themselves. And if you figure that one out, then you are going somewhere.”

We all want to be able to love what we see in ourselves. Yet, we tend to place our worthiness in the hands of external factors and people. We often think that our worth is determined by how others value us. And, sooner or later we end up finding out what a slippery slope that is, right? That’s why it is so important to develop the skills to value ourselves from within. By doing so, we are reclaiming our power to thrive on our own terms. 

So today I’m taking you through a series of confidence booster tips to help you develop that worthiness muscle. Alright, let’s delve in!

• YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR OWN LIFE. ​

Quit waiting on external circumstances to improve your life. During tough times we often expect someone to soothe us with their presence, words or gestures. There is nothing wrong with reaching out for support when needed. However, if we stay in that predicament for too long, we can end up relying on other people to make us feel better and forget that we are the masters of our own lives. Acknowledging your self-worth and power comes from snapping out of that long-term habit. It's getting up every morning trusting that you are fully prepared to handle whatever comes up, without expecting anything or anybody else to solve your issues for you. It’s about knowing that you are much more powerful than your problems.

And, as Gabrielle Bernstein would say: trust that the universe has your back. There is a bigger picture and the dots do all end up connecting. Trusting and allowing that intelligence to unfold through you is crucial to understanding your own worth and value. 

• BE KIND TO YOURSELF. 

​Forgive yourself, if you fall back into the habit of wanting others to value something about you that you are unable to appreciate about yourself in the first place. Forgiveness gets rid of unnecessary guilt around what we did or didn’t do. By forgiving ourselves we free ourselves from our own harsh judgments. We also free others from providing the attention we've been seeking outside of ourselves. If we truly want to embrace emotional adulthood and learn to value ourselves, we must stop judging ourselves endlessly.

On a side note, Perfectionism  is a clear manifestation of someone's insecurity and lack of self-worth (believe me I've had plenty of experience with that myself). Learning to be kind, flexible, tolerant and understanding with ourselves, will allow us to be happier and more fulfilled people in general. It will help us to stand in our true worth!

• RECONNECT WITH YOUR INNER SELF AND ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE WHO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE. 

​Get back in touch with that little boy or girl who, for whatever reasons, was not able to fully develop his/her capacities or pursue his/her dreams. Create the circumstances to reconnect with your curiosity and intrinsic talents. Meditation, journaling and self-inquiry are all great ways to access those “forgotten truths”. What did that child love doing? What did he/she dream about? What lit up their heart? Trust your intuition, pay attention to your emotions and follow your curiosity. This is YOUR life and you are here to develop and explore your own personal talents, NOT to meet other people’s criteria or expectations. Remember that you are unique and have a unique path. There has never been anybody else like you on this planet. So, make it your priority to honour that gift and BE YOU. 

• LEARN TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT

As beautifully put by Eckhart Tolle: "All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all form of fear- are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past and not enough presence."

To quit continuously comparing the present to the past or projecting it in the future, is an act of self-kindness and appreciation. What happened in the past is done and dusted. It has brought you where you are at, and NOW is what matters. Likewise, you cannot predict the future, but you can choose how to experience the present moment. That’s you power!

And, if you cannot avoid reminiscing about the past or projecting into the future, do it from a place of gratitude. TRUST that every single experience is leading you to the moment where you will eventually reconnect with your deeper truth.

Practicing gratitude on a daily basis is a great way to prime your brain for a more positive outlook on life as well. I personally love to use Alex and Mimi Ikonn’s 5 minute journal. You can also get creative and make your own version! ​

• SHARE YOUR GIFTS. ​

Whatever your talent, abilities or intrinsic light is, it is yours to share. The surest way to evolve is through cooperation and service! Be courageous, generous and lovingly share your potential with the people around you. That really is the surest way to strengthen and develop your purpose, passion, capacities etc.  And, it is also the best way to stop seeking other people’s attention and, instead, rejoice in the satisfaction of unconditional heartfelt giving.

          We all want to be able to love what we see in ourselves and when we do, we also show up in a better way for others. Just like a flight attendant will tell you to put on your own safety jacket, before helping anybody else, it is our duty to learn to love and understand ourselves, before we can truly extend that feeling to others.
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And since, our external reality is a reflection of what is going on within. The more people make it their priority to value, respect and love themselves first, the better the collective reflection will be in the long run. In a nation of self-secure, self-loving  individuals, there would be no room for divide, conflict and violence. That is why self growth and self development are so important. 

And yes it is a lifelong journey! A beautifully empowering one that is.

Remember: you are worthy beyond words. No matter who you are, what you do and where you come from, you bring value to this world! You made it here against all odds. Now be kind to yourself and make it count: go shine that light bright! 

If you feel stuck and need an extra hand to achieve greater inner peace & wellbeing, BioNeuroEmotion (BNE) is a wonderful method that will help you shift your perspective, so you can foster meaningful changes in your life by transforming your conflicts into stepping stones.
​My mission is to empower men and women to move beyond their perceived limitations, step into their best selves and make a difference in the world. You can find out more about my work or book a one on one online session here. ​

Resources: 
Books:

• The Universe Has your Back, Gabrielle Bernstein 
• The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle

Tedx talk:

• ​The prison of your mind, Sean Stevenson (Youtube Clip)